Pondering Thoughts

Today I read my husbands blog. I am sure you all know annointed-firefighter ( or more appropriately sometimes Ricky Retardo, jk honey). And in there he talked about a dream that he has been having, he has told me about this dream so it really wasnt all that much of a shock.But it did get me thinking. About four and a half years ago right before we got married our youth pastor got killed in a plane crash. When he got killed he wasnt our youth pastor because they had moved to TX. but I am sure ya'll understand my meaning. He held a very special place in my heart. Anyway, when he died he left behind a wife and two sons. And my husbands blog got me to thinking about that. Right after he died everybody naturally started feeling sorry for his wife and kids. Asking how she was going to survive without him, whether or not the kids even understood, you know the usual things that get asked at funerals. Everybody figured that she would leave TX. and come back to NM to be near her family. But she surprised us all. She stayed in TX saying that she had to go on with her life. She told me at the memorial that Pastor Leroy wasnt sitting in heaven with everything on hold until she got there. So basically she couldnt sit in her room with everything on hold wishing and praying he would come back. She just had to live her life day to day and miss him but know that she will see him again someday. You may be wondering what this has to do with me. Well, it got me to wondering if I would be able to do that. Pastor Laura-Lee showed a strength that possibly nobody ever even imagined that she possessed. And now I am faced with all of these thoughts. I dont know if I am alone here. But I am about to give birth to mine and Lees second child. And everybody always hears about complications and the moms passing away. And all of this stuff has me thinking about that. I dont know what I would do if I wasnt able to spend the next 50 yrs with my husband and if I wasnt able to watch my children grow up. If I were to die today, I believe that my children would be fine and my husband would survive, but how would I handle it? Don't get me wrong I cant wait to go to heaven butI have my own little heaven on earth everytime my daughter smiles at me or tells me she loves me. And also when my husband tells me I am his world and he doesnt know what he would do without me. Or even when the child that is growing inside me kicks me and I begin to wonder what type of person she will grow up to be. So is it wrong of me to ask God to allow me to spend the next 50 yrs with my husband and watch my kids grow up? I dont know. But I hope he doesnt take it personally, I just appreciate the things he has given me. Maybe its because I cant even begin to fathom what heaven is going to be like. How can it get any better than it already is?

Hello

Hello, everyone I am new at this and really dont care if anyone actually reads this. The whole reason that I do this is not to get noticed but more like to get things off my chest. Things really bother me sometimes, but who doesnt get bothered. Things like when my husband and I fight. Or the fact that my daughter is almost 3 and absolutely refuses to potty train. Just little things like that. If you know me, then please dont take offense to anything I write here. I will appreciate comments, however, I am not writing this to upset you, its just that sometimes people need to get things off of their chests.